Very few are required.
And yes, most of the programs understand.
Also, if you're tired and annoyed, you're not going to put up a good show when they do their night before event.
It's better to present your strongest front during the only time you're there versus doing it half ass at one of them.. People remember these things..and yes, the residents are asked their opinion..it's usually a negative thing.
At the program I matched at, I did not go to the night before event. I was tired, and drove 5 hours to get there, only to be late.. I decided it was best for me not to show up.
The next day I was well rested, and rocked the interview..and they loved me (harr harr)
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